27th of March 2020

It’s a funky feeling. This. All of it. My four walls have never felt more familiar. I myself have never felt calmer. It’s been a good couple of days, I must say. Being stuck in a student housing with 10 other students, who don’t either have a home, is a mood. Completely different people with completely different backgrounds and ages, all under same roof with the same fait. Although since the semester beginning, it was always the same people you’d meet in our community room anyway, only now that we were all stuck at home with nothing to do, you really get to know one another properly. It’s nice. In between all the chaos of today’s world, there is something utterly calming, opening the community room door and seeing a bunch of people sitting there with their coffees, all greeting you. It is actually pretty beautiful. Like a big patchwork family, we’ve been coming down at all hours of the day, chitchatting about the merging days of doing the same three activities. Among us few, in a world of chaos, we can let out our inner children from time to time and just have a laugh. Outside, the world might be falling apart and rebuilding itself, but in here everything is still okay.

I am so calm. Not at all worried. Very unlike me, as usually there is always some thought taunting me in some part of my brain. But not right now. I know there are things I need to complete. I am. But all in their own time. It’s a funky feeling being somehow very energetic from not doing much all day, but at the same time being so much in your zen, that it doesn’t play much of a role. I have been spending a lot of time with myself. I think, it is doing me a favour. I have not felt like myself as much as I do right now for a while. When there’s not much you can do all day – which is an absolute excuse btw. because there is always something you can do – it is just you and your thoughts. By being isolated by an outside force, I have no excuses not to be spending time with myself. I mean spiritually. Mentally. When was the last time you looked deep down your most inner self and asked how you were actually doing? Being ‘stuck’ at home means that, for the first time in a very long time, I could give myself all the time I needed to process everything I had been going through over the past weeks, months or even years. It feels good. Very good. I am not doing much throughout the day, but that is alright. In a world where we were always asked to be on a 105%, I feel it is okay right now to take two naps during the day, if I feel like it. I needed this all to happen, to truly let go for a moment and reconnect with myself. I think a lot of us did. Even without realising it. I hadn’t noticed either, how much of a zigzag detouring waggling crisscross chaotic stressed self I deep down really was. I have been able to breathe deeper again. I can feel air go all the way down to the bottom of my lungs now. It had been a while. It’s a funky feeling, being so calm and relaxed, when the world around you seems to be going up in flames. That’s alright. It will pass. It is a funky feeling right now. And that is okay because it will pass and you and I will be here. We will be okay and we will be calm.