My name is Chouette and I don’t have the courage to follow my dreams.
A sentence I would never openly admit and yet still it holds a lot of truth. As of recently I have been reflecting a lot, more than usual, about everything really. I’ve been reflecting about how I feel mentally and physically, how my past has gotten me to where I am today, about wether I should rest or push myself at the current moment and more recently about how my actions right now effect my results aka my life in the future. I’ve been reflecting on how my life could already look like had I followed through with some of the intended goals I had made for this year as well as the previous ones. Let’s just, I’ve been reflecting a lot on a very deep level recently. Now, I am not sure where all of this deep thinking is coming from, maybe from the podcasts I’ve been listening to or maybe because the year is coming to an end and yet another year has passed, another chapter of my life is finishing and still it feels like I am somehow not moving closer to my goals and a certain frustration in me that once again I have put my dreams on ice and the life of procrastination has taken over me or maybe it’s just the simple change in weather. Who knows?
Dreams and goals. Who hasn’t gotten them? In todays world we’re always encouraged to dream big and reach for the stars. Sometimes it almost feels like the world is judging you when you haven’t got a ridiculously big dream, but when you do the whole world sits on your shoulder and whispers down your ears into your conscious that you will never make it because it has never been done before or because it is too hard and so many have failed or because because because. The pressure, comments and norms lay heavy on your shoulder and the heavier it gets the smaller your inner conquerer becomes. You start doubting yourself and unintentionally putting yourself down and over time we start believing what we are being told, what we’re telling ourselves and we stop believing in we can actually make it. The result of this is a bunch of dreams put on ice and lots of unfulfilled potential.
Now, I am a big believer in that everything is or happens for a reason and so I believe the deepest wishes, dreams and goals have something to do with our potential here on earth. I see it as this, we all have our missions to fulfil here on earth during the one life we get. Now I am not saying that our dreams, goals or wishes are our mission, no, but I believe that our interests, dreams and passions have something to do with this mission. Kind of like the first hint on a treasure hunt. I can’t properly explain it, but I just refuse to believe that all the passion and fire in our souls coming from wishes, dreams and goals are just simply another thing in the universe. We know of many examples of people who are thriving on a life they have created by fulfilling their dreams, goals or wishes. We know greatness must come from this fire we feel in our souls and the adrenaline that rushes through your body when you are lost in your dreams or working on a project you are very passionate about. If we know we could be living our best life, then why don’t we go after our dreams full forced and don’t look back? Why do we instead often times live a life where we’re not truly satisfied telling ourselves over and over again that we will start Monday?
Now this is where my trail of thoughts has been walking in confusing overlapping zigzags. I am going to spare you the details of that, but I have come to the conclusion that the reason deep down must be fear. You might say laziness, but I refuse to believe anyone can be too lazy to act upon the fire in their soul, so my guess is it must be fear. Having come to this conclusion I started reflecting on myself and what I am not doing in combination with how fear could be behind all this.
This was surprisingly very difficult. When I was reflecting on why I hadn’t achieved my dreams, goals or wishes yet, I couldn’t get myself to say I was afraid to go after them. Like I didn’t even have the courage to admit, that I am afraid of going after them. Not afraid because of the fear of failing but more because I was afraid of how great my life could be would I achieve them. It sounds absolutely ridiculous and it is. How could one be afraid of achieving their dreams goor goals? Isn’t that the whole point of having goals and dreams?? To achieve them eventually?? Having concluded that for myself, I had to take a step back for a moment and think about it. So all these years I have constantly failed over and over again because deep down I don’t want to achieve my goals because I am afraid of the greatness, I believed I couldn’t handle that came with achieving my dreams? How stupid, I thought to myself. All these years I have been self sabotaging my success because deep down I wasn’t ready for the greatness that came with achieving all I believed I ever wanted because I somehow am afraid of it? But why? I mean there should really not be a reason for me to be afraid of achieving my dream life, after all it is my dream life. The one I want to live, right? I felt almost cheated by myself in a way. And then it occurred to me, the reason behind all of this fear.
If I look at my life I must admit I have a very comfortable and good life. Always have had. Sure it has had its ups and downs but generally speaking I am quite fortunate with the life I have. I looked at the aspect of laziness as well, but I personally don’t believe I am lazy. I like to work. I like to be active and I like to be busy, so I concluded it wasn’t laziness behind the fear. A lot of the time you work hard to get to a better life because the current one isn’t quite what you want, because your dream life is better, more glamorous, but my life was already pretty good on its own the way it is, basic life standards speaking. Of course I have goals of where I want to take myself this life, but my base line is already pretty good. See and this is where I think the problem lies. I think the reason behind the fear is comfort or more so loosing the comfort I have had for so many years. Not because of the hard work it will take to eventually get to my dream life but the fact that I have gotten comfortable with life the way it is. I have gotten used to putting my goals and dreams on ice. I have gotten used to sort of dream away the day but not actually follow through my actions to the end. I noticed a pattern in my behaviour. I would start something and then when change starts happening, I was on a role and things were progressing towards my goals, something always threw me of course and I stopped doing whatever it was I was doing. Every time I would fall back into my old comfortable place. Now I wasn’t truly happy in this place, but deep down I knew I could survive this way because I have for so long and maybe surviving was safer than actually following through all the change to the new “life”.
so, I figured out I was afraid and that my fear of achieving my goals and wishes was underlined by comfort. This worried me because I have found comfort to be one of the hardest feelings to work against and actually have the upper hand over. Clearly I haven’t found a way of conquering comfort yet or otherwise I wouldn’t be writing this article. Comfort is a difficult topic, we all know in order to achieve what never has been achieved before, may it be by ourselves or generally speaking, we need to leave the zone of comfort. A phrase we repeatedly hear over and over again and still executing this phrase is extremely difficult. The comfort zone is a whole other topic, but that is not what I want to focus on right now. Fact is I have been comfortable for too long and the reason I have yet to achieve my goals, wishes and dreams is because I need to start becoming comfortable with being uncomfortable and so should you. I think we have all been comfortable for too long and to me 2020 seems like the year to get uncomfortable and actually follow through on all those goals and wishes lying on ice somewhere deep in our hearts. Let’s plant the seeds this year and start growing our blooming flower garden for all the years to come. Let this be my first seed. I am setting the seed for 2020, this year I am planting the seeds to grow flowers towards my goals! Let’s make this our year. Are you ready?