Home is closer than I thought

October 16th, I am sitting at the dining table. I had just made myself a cup of tea and some breakfast – avocado on toast with scrambled eggs and a plum for some sweetness. I have got my headphones in as I don’t want to wake up any of my flatmates. I am listening to “7 Seconds” – Youssou N’Dour, a tune I must have last heard back when I was barley 10 years old. It must’ve been popular back then, as I remember listening to it on the radio on our way to school or back. I would be curled up in my seat in the back on the right-hand side, behind the drivers seat. My body being too small to see above the dashboard, I would gaze up into the trees and with my fingers I would play with the rays of sunshine glaring between the leaves, carefree, young and content.

This morning felt similar. I was sitting at the dining table listening to my music sipping my tea as the sun was greeting me through the leaves of the big tree just outside my room. My room was glowing in her golden colder, as the shadows reflected leaves dancing in the wind on my bedroom walls. Besides the sock on my nightstand, who’s mate was lost in the washing machine – my room was clean and tidy.

As I was sitting here enjoying my breakfast, I was coming to the realisation, that I actually kind of liked my room. The plant I had bought and the string of lights above my bed in combination with the orange curtain and sheets warmed up the room a lot. It was no secret, that I had fallen in love with tree outside my window, who’s long branches couldn’t get close enough to my window and although I really hated the blue-grey colour on my walls that made the entire room feel cold and soulless, the few small added touches somehow made up for it. The once cold and almost sad looking room had gained character. It had gotten warmer and was becoming almost inviting. The lack of space and luxury was compensated for love and cuteness and a room once cold was now radiating a certain feeling of comfort and happiness. I smiled, as it had been me who hung up the lights and my mind who appreciated the tree outside. I smiled contently as this was my space and I smiled because my space felt homey. I smiled because I had created this. I might be far away from home and too lost to return to it at this moment, but I was smiling because I had just realised I had gained a little bit of home back since losing my ground. I was smiling because I just found the cure. A sniped of hope so faint barley even noticeable. I was smiling because no one but me knew what that meant. I was smiling because I knew I was getting better. I was smiling because today was going to be good day and I was smiling because I knew where this one came from many more were about to follow.

I was sitting at the dining table, my gaze out the window and I was smiling on the inside as I took another sip of my tea. I am recovering. I was going to be okay. Today was going to be good. Who knew what tomorrow had install for me. It didn’t matter because today was going to be a good day and that was all that mattered in this very moment.