New Closet, New Me?

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Guys, I am turning into a shopaholic! I’m not going to lie I always enjoyed shopping but lately I am just going overboard with it! All of it started when I was in Canada by myself during a very rainy week. I went online to see what some of my favourite brands had in stock and added the preferred items to my favourite list or the basket. Usually at the end of these reassuring events I’d look at my list or basket and think to myself ‘oh how nice it would be to have all that’, then clicking onto the tiny little cross of my page. But I had found a very nice white thick cream sweater and as I was freezing I just continued to payment and then pressed confirm. Paff, just like that with the typing of a few fingers I had just spent money on something I wasn’t even sure I would eventually like in person. For days I was feeling guilty about it but as I had nothing to do, I went back online and did all of it again. And again. Do you see where this is going?

A few weeks later when I was back home, I opened my packages and to my luck all of it fit. I liked the items I had bought in person too. All was good, a happy ending for everyone, yay. I wish it were like that. As I grew up in the tropics most of my life, I didn’t have proper clothes to keep me warm in the Swiss autumn turning winter and therefore my next shopping spree was actually a needed one. Nevertheless, I still spent a huge amount on money on an amount of clothes I probably didn’t need. And then the last shopping spree followed about one month later when I was back in the tropics visiting my family, who still lives there. Right before new years eve, my best friend and I we went shopping for something sparkly. We didn’t walk away with anything sparkly but I did walk away with a leather dress, that I am probably never going to end up wearing and a few other items too. To my defence the dress looks really good on.

Did I need all of the stuff I bought? Most of it not, no. Could i have returned some of it? Yeah probably but you see I was just having too much fun trying on new styles and liking what I saw in the mirror. My school had half a uniform. Most days I would wear leggings with the obligatory school shirt or sweater with a pair of sneakers. I’d bring my style into the mixture by wearing funky earrings or shoes but other than that I wore the same outfit everyday for the past four years. On weekends I never did much either so I had my two pairs of shorts and some shirts that worked for the time. Since I graduated last June, for most of the time I was still living in my past-chapter-bubble. Only recently I finally could tick off that chapter in my life and begin a new one properly. This sounds a bit odd. It was more of a mental thing really. Since then I have taken in though, that now I could be whoever my heart desired. For the first time in my life, it was completely up to me how my next chapter would look like.

I guess because the simplest way of changing was the exterior look, hence why I went for it first. I liked my hair and also the minimal make up I was using but I felt like I needed a new style. And that is exactly what I went out to do. Even without realising it. I tried new styles, fancier fabrics, new brands, things I would usually not go for. I copied other peoples style and put my own twist on it. And I liked it.

Buying new clothes doesn’t make me a new person. I am still me. Still have the same problems as before but what buying new clothes changed for me was that I started to create the image of the person I wished to be. I am aware that it will take a lot more than a few clothes to become the person I want to be, but by changing my image I am laying down a potential path for myself. I justified it by the following principle. I thought to myself that if I dressed like the person I want to be, then I am already half way there of becoming them. I’ve got the looks off the table therefore now my focus can go to a whole other area of self-development. As of today, I can proudly say when I look into the mirror, the girl I see, is slowly turning into the woman I’d like to be. And I couldn’t be more grateful for that! I guess I am not really a shopaholic after all.

Thank you for reading 🙂 ciao, adios, au revoir, tschüss.

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